Being Teachable

Listening

Often leaders fail to listen well and give advice too quickly. Imagine going to a doctor with a problem and finding that he has already written out a prescription before you have a chance to sit down. This may sound like an extreme example, but often happens within leadership circles. We already have an opinion about the problems that the people around us are facing so we give our solutions without listening properly to what is being said.

"Take a tip from nature: your ears are not made to shut, but your mouth is." (Anonymous)

One of the disciplines that we need to learn in listening is to first listen: not to talk, interrupt, plan what to say next or to provide solutions, but to listen! In order to do this it can help to write down a few notes of the key points that the person has mentioned. Another way is that of summarising or checking that you have understood what was said. "So what you are saying happened is...". "So, if I understand you correctly, you feel that...". This allows both parties to check that there has been clear communication, shows that the person has been understood, may remind them  of some other points, and gives you time to reflect and reconsider the issues.

As we listen, we need to ensure that we are listening with an open mind. This is at the heart of being teachable. If we feel that we have solutions whilst the conversation is still only partway through, then it could be that we have a closed mind. As was mentioned in the previous study, perhaps our 'mental map' of the issues are not correct. Perhaps our 'mental map' of the individual before us is not correct. We need to learn to put aside our prejudices and conclusions, and be willing to consider that our understanding of the situation may be incomplete or distorted. We will only be able to realign our "˜mental maps' if we are prepared to consider that we do not have all the answers.

Questioning

Questioning is very closely linked with listening: if we are not going to listen to the answer, it is pointless asking a question. When we ask questions, we must ask 'open questions': ones that will allow the individual to respond freely and in more detail. "Why do you think that?", "How did that affect you?" are examples of open questions. Closed questions are ones that can only be answered 'yes' or 'no'. As we ask questions, we must be prepared to wait for an answer, allowing the person time to think and consider. In addition, we need to ask only one question at a time so that the person does not become confused.

Guarding Our Response to Criticism

As we listen and question we must guard our response to any criticism that we receive. We do not need to give an answer or to defend ourselves, but can say that we will take the comments seriously and consider what was said. Often reacting to comments immediately just helps to heighten the conflict rather than to solve it. By guarding our response and evaluating the comments later, when the emotions have subsided, we can learn from the experience.

"Nothing anyone does to us can injure us unless we allow it to cause a wrong reaction in our own spirits. Only our reaction can bless or burn." (Amy Carmichael)