Sowing the Right Seed

Reconciliation

Reconciliation can be illustrated as removing the weeds and rubbish that have developed on the relationship's land from the past. Conflict is a normal part of relationships and we should not be surprised when it comes. Often we see conflict as an enemy that needs to be avoided, but this is not necessarily the case. If we respond positively to conflict, the relationship can be released to grow and develop to new heights.

Jesus highlights the importance of dealing with conflict:

"Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift." (Matthew 5:23-24)

"For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins." (Matthew 6:14-15)

We need to be careful how we approach reconciliation in order to resolve conflict. It is important that we approach the person in private, and not confront them in front of others. Our motivation should be to resolve the conflict, rather than to show everyone that we are right. The second point we need to consider is our attitudes and emotions. If we approach the individual by blaming and accusing them, we will only succeed in enlarging the divide that exists. We need to speak with 'I' statements rather than 'you' statements. For example, we need to say "I felt... when you did...", "I thought you meant... when you said..." With this approach we take responsibility for our own actions, rather than focussing on their blame. In approaching the person, we need to be sure that we are willing to listen without making excuses for our actions or behaviour.

Being Loyal to Those Not Present

If we demonstrate loyalty to those not present when we communicate with others, we will build trust with those that are present. This is because those present will realise that we will not tolerate anyone saying negative things to us about them when they are not there. We can do this in two ways. Firstly, we can stop the conversation when it strays to speaking negatively about someone's character. Secondly, by encouraging those who have something negative to say about someone to speak with them directly.

Acts of Service

This can be a way of expressing our appreciation for someone. Acts of service can take a number of forms, and we should seek to find the most appropriate for the individual at that time. Examples include doing a simple task for someone, like helping to fix a car or doing some shopping for them. Another is that of giving a small gift or sending a card or letter that expresses our appreciation for them. Another may be a simple hug. Another may be spending some time with them over a coffee.

Keeping Commitments

Too often we find ourselves under pressure from the commitments that we have made to others. Some we have remembered and others that we have forgotten. What we need to consider is that a broken commitment is a "weed" that will undermine the trust within the relationship. If we fail to keep our commitments in small things, they may wonder about our commitments in more significant things.