Practising Relational Disciplines

In order to develop greater effectiveness in our leadership, we need to invest in building a lifestyle of positive relationships. This involves developing private disciplines that will be established as a characteristic and habit within our lives. It takes time to establish such habits, and requires both determination and discipline on our part. We need to have a vision of the kind of leader that we desire to be and allow that vision to shape the decisions that we make. The insight, encouragement, support, and accountability of others will also be a great help in moving us from understanding to implementation.

As we look at the practical disciplines that we can implement, we need to consider how they apply to the different relationships that we have within our lives: our family, our closest friends, those who lead us, those we lead, those we work alongside, and unbelievers. We need to actively practise these disciplines in all the categories of relationships. We may need to focus on different disciplines in each category, and sometimes even with each person, depending on the level of relationship that exists at present. We cannot expect to have a high level of relationship with every person in every category, but we can highlight those relationships which are 'in the danger zone', those that 'need improvement', those which are at an 'optimum level' (the level we desire), and those that are 'excellently maintained'.

Once we have assessed the current reality of each relationship, and have gained an understanding of our desires for each relationship, we can look at what we can do in order to sow into the relationship. This may well include scheduling regular time in order to invest in the relationship. This may be difficult for some of us to do. For some people it is simpler to be involved in ministry tasks than it is to invest in relationships, whereas others will find quite the opposite. Whichever the case, we need to ensure that we find a good balance between tasks (things we need to do and accomplish) and relationships. During Jesus' three-year ministry, He invested significant time in building relationships with His disciples. Sometimes these were focussed times together, at other times it was whilst walking from one town to another. We need to follow His example.

The remainder of this study looks at some practical steps that we can take in order to invest in relationships. This is not a comprehensive list, but some important areas that should help you to develop a practical strategy for your life. Remember the learning principles as you begin to implement change in your life. In particular, remember to 'start small'.