The Importance of Developing Relationships

Many Christian leaders are experiencing a communication breakdown in their relationships with the people that they value the most: their family, friends, those they are leading, and with non-Christians. A common cause of this breakdown is the neglect of the relationships due to their preoccupation with their church activities and responsibilities. Consequently, their relationships with family and friends have become shallow and lack the deep communication that they once experienced. The leaders have tried to resolve the problems by seeking to implement "quick fix" solutions, such as a weekend away or a retreat. This often increases the problems as these short periods of intense contact give opportunity for built-up frustrations to come to the surface in explosive outbursts.

Many leaders fall into sin as a result of the emotional bankruptcy that they are experiencing in their relationships. Their lack of close friendships with friends and other leaders can mean that they lack the support and accountability that they need to help them avoid and overcome temptation. The Bible warns us against this kind of situation.

Judges 18 tells of the tribe of Dan who had not yet found a place to settle in the Promised Land as they had failed to drive out the people who lived in their allotted territory. The tribal leaders sent out five spies to view the land. They discovered a town called Laish:

"So the five men left and came to Laish, where they saw that the people were living in safety, like the Sidonians, unsuspecting and secure. And since their land lacked nothing, they were prosperous. Also, they lived a long way from the Sidonians and had no relationship with anyone else." (Judges 18:7)

Laish was vulnerable to attack because their land lacked nothing and they became isolated from the towns around them. This presented Dan with a simple opportunity. They attacked the city and won an easy victory because the city "had no relationship with anyone else" (Judges 18:28).

David was a leader that knew the importance of building strong relationships. In fact, the friendships that he had built offered the support and protection that he needed in order to fulfil God's purposes for his life. His friendship with Jonathan rescued David from being killed by Saul on a number of occasions (1 Samuel 19, 20). The friendship of Hushai the Arkite protected David from being killed by Absalom's army (2 Samuel 15:32-34, 17:1-16).

Some may think of the Apostle Paul as someone who worked alone. However, Paul knew the value of building relationships and he always travelled with others such as Barnabas, Silas, and Timothy. In addition, other relationships that Paul had built were a great support to him:

"Tychicus, the dear brother and faithful servant in the Lord, will tell you everything, so that you also may know how I am and what I am doing." (Ephesians 6:21)

"But I think it is necessary to send back to you Epaphroditus, my brother, fellow worker and fellow soldier, who is also your messenger, whom you sent to take care of my needs." (Philippians 2:25)

"You learned it from Epaphras, our dear fellow servant, who is a faithful minister of Christ on our behalf." (Colossians 1:7)

In addition to providing support and accountability for us, building positive relationships is an essential part of being an effective leader. Spiritual leadership involves influencing people to accomplish the greater purposes that God has for their lives. By deepening the level of relationship we have with those that we lead, we can increase our influence in their lives.

It is possible to have superficial relationships with those that we lead and still be able to function as leaders. But this leadership style can build "followers" who just conform to the leader's vision, without committing themselves to the vision. They may obey orders, but not act as though they own the vision. This can eventually lead to them rejecting the leader's vision if the pressures that they face exceed their expectations. In contrast to this, a leadership style that prioritises relationships is based on inspiration, mutual value, and trust, building greater commitment in the followers. If we desire to be Christ-like leaders, we need to follow His example and build relationships with those that we lead.

Building relationships with our co-workers is also a vital part of our growth and development.

"As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another." (Proverbs 27:17)

Through the support, encouragement, challenges, conflicts, and forgiveness that happen within relationships, there is a shaping and sharpening of our character. If we neglect our relationships, we neglect the development of our leadership capacity.

Investing in relationships with unbelievers is an essential part of our witness and influence in society. The Pharisees saw this emphasis in Jesus' ministry and called him a "friend of tax collectors and sinners" (Matthew 11:19, Mark 2:16, Luke 5:30). Often our church commitments and activities take us away from this important area, so that we become separated from the people that we need to influence. Jesus saw things in a completely different light and prioritised his relationships with unbelievers:

"Jesus answered them, "It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance."" (Luke 5:31-32)